Buddha

One sign of coming out of an unhealthy relationship is that we lose our own identity. Even in healthy and happy relationships we compromise and give up hobbies, opportunities and experiences to ensure time with our loved one.

Being single allows you time to rediscover yourself, your likes, your dislikes, your hobbies, your independence, that we all once craved for when growing up.

Spending time by yourself is a really clear way to start learning about yourself again. Being comfortable in your own space, in your own time, is really important. Enjoy the simple questions, where you no longer have to compromise; What do YOU want to eat? What do YOU want to watch on TV? What do YOU want to do on the weekend?

Some relationships can lead to loosing friendships. I learnt quite early and luckily circumstances have meant I have never lost friends from being in relationship. However, I certainly have been on the receiving end of friendships changing due to the controls of their partner. Finding lost friends can be really exciting when coming out of a controlling or long term relationship, it helps you remember who you were before and allows you to re-connect and build up your support network. Reigniting those lost friendships will remind you how loved you are and how important it is to not throw away people but to value them instead.

When you move forward into your next relationship remember what you have learnt about yourself within this chapter of your life, where you have been able to take time to reconnect with yourself. A partner should champion your hobbies, passions and ambitions and never hold you  back  with  exciting  opportunities  that you  want  to  pursue.  You are your own person within a partnership.

My personal experience of this was from a relationship that I was in at a young age of 16, for 3 years, loosing my identity in the form of gaining 3 stone, I lost my confidence, I lost my passions and I distanced myself from social environments. This relationship ended with me being cheated on. Initially I hated him and I hated myself. But with hindsight, him cheating, was the only event that was going to allow me mentally to focus on myself as my immaturity at 19 meant I couldn’t see the relationship for what it was, toxic. Hating him, gave me the ammunition to loose the weight, find my confidence, go out with my university friends and widen my social circle. This is one of the best life lessons I have learnt throughout dating and relationships so far.